Passive or Aggressive?

Spectrum

← Aggressive                 Assertive                     Passive→

There are two extreme sides to this spectrum. There is the aggressive side and on the other extreme is the passive side. Where on the spectrum do you fall into? 

Aggressive

Lets take a look at the character traits of aggressive behaviour:

·         Physically points or uses fist at others

·         Selfish, threatens

·         Uncaring, superior, yells!!!

·         Abrupt, stares

·         Abuse others, blames

·         Makes you feel small, says hurtful things

·         Insists, uses sarcasm

·         Cold, harsh, boastful

·         Doesn't listen, close minded

·         Escalates fast, abuse's others' rights

Does this sound like someone you would like to hang out with and invite into your life?       

I didn't think so. Lets take a look at the character traits of passive behaviour:

·         Not honest about feelings, apologizes a lot

·         Complacent, not open

·         Referred to as, "Doormats"

·         Whisper, cry

·         Indirect, soft, vague

·         Nervous

·         Uses general, vague statements, "I mean you know."

·         Self dismissal, self put downs

·         "I don't matter" attitude

·         Apologizes for no reason, avert eyes

·         Wrings hands, abuse's own rights

There is also behaviour called Passive & Aggressive:

·         Lots of blaming

·         Can be two sided

·         Silent

·         Makes up stuff about others

·         Likes to create drama & watch it play out

·         Manipulative

Aggressive behaviour hurts others and passive behaviour hurts self. These are some key things to remember.

"In the middle of these extremes is something called assertiveness. This is the best way to communicate, build relationships and be heard."

Assertive behaviour sounds like this:

·         Constructive,positive

·         Open minded, calm

·         Responds not reacts

·         Takes into account others' feelings

·         Direct, honest

·         Initiates eye contact

·         Cares about others

·         Builds you up

·         Honest about feelings

·         Stands up for own rights and how they want to be treated

 Now that you know all three types of behaviour here are some tips to move away from aggression.

DO	DON'T
Defend	Blame
Be specific	Use generalizations
Describe	Judge
Be sensitive to rights/feelings of others	Use sarcasm/put downs
USE :"I" statements	USE:  "You" statements
Remain calm	Get upset/escalate
Repeat your request	Argue

When you practice being more assertive you:

Gain more confidence	Improve decision making skills
Earn respect from others	Understand & recognize feelings
Improve communication	Create honest relationships
Create win-win situations	Experience greater satisfaction, trust & security

As you can see there are benefits to being proactive & not losing your cool. It is much easier said than done!